Swinging from left to right in her fish covered swing chair sleeps my 19 week old daughter. Her cute little chubby cheeks and pursed lips beckon me to come and cover her with kisses. I'm a Mommy...a 33 year old single mother. My career in Project Operations suddenly cut short when the day I returned from maternity leave I was "laid off"...economically drive....right. We live in a country that won't provide for our uninsured mother's, unpaid maternity leave is fairly common, and firing a new mom the day she returns after a c section and 3 months of unpaid leave to a career level position is somehow acceptable....
This little girl, rocking back and forth in her cute little swing chair sits in a building in an expensive part of midtown in a beautiful pentloft overlooking the downtown skyline. Pricey. I love it here. This is my home. I have been here for over a year and moved in while carrying this teeny tiny little girl still yet unaware of her existence. My plan for this loft, wine parties, intimate dinner parties for 6, never quite turned into experience I had imagined...but cluttered with baby toys and baby cries has turned out to be happier than I could have imagined.
But now, what now? Her Father and I, still together, are so different. I exist now on unemployment which I can make work by stretching, but wonder....will I have to move in soon with her Dad? Do I diligently look for a new job or do I pursue one of my dreams since childhood...writing? Do I look at ways I can stay home with my little girl for the next few years until she is old enough to go to school? Suddenly my career no longer excites me the way it used too, so what is the answer?
And let's top it all off....I'm breastfeeding, and love it. BUT, I am starving ALL of the time, so hungry I could lick the paint off of the walls and cannot lose this baby weight. I own closets full of beautiful clothing, size 4 and smaller, and can't get my rear anywhere near a size 8. Everything jiggles and wiggles and moves and flops around and it's unacceptable I tell you as I head to the kitchen to munch on whatever is available to me.
